


Why I Hate Suburbia

by bignastyyy



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cheating, Dad!Erwin, Infidelity, Multi, Office Worker, Rants
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-27 22:48:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14435802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bignastyyy/pseuds/bignastyyy
Summary: Erwin Smith is a man of great ego. He's a single father and loves his son to death. Life would be perfect here if it weren't for the soccer moms and judgmental attitudes of the neighborhood.otherwise known as: Erwin fucks his neighbor's wife because her husband got a new Toyota.otherwise known as: Erwin rants about Suburbia but loves his son, like a lot.





	Why I Hate Suburbia

Erwin Smith was a man of great ego, and would go through great lengths to show this. He lived alone, no wife to take care of his only child, Armin. His son was an absolute prodigy when it came to his schoolwork, but Erwin couldn't recall many details of the blonde boy's social life.

He lived in the suburbs, and without spoiling the mind of his tween son, kept to himself the disgust he held for many of the denizens of the area. Erwin would spend his days either helping his son with his problems, hanging out with his lonesome boy, watching the news or whatever whore was flashing her tits on camera (not while his son was around, though) and looking at the many dollhouses that dotted suburbia.

While he was out watering plants or relaxing on his porch, often he would notice wives giving their husbands a peck on the cheek when they went to work. When their sedans or whatever car they owned pulled out of the driveway the wife would breath a sigh of relief. Another display of love to mask their crippling marriage.

"Two-faced whores," Erwin would mutter. But he could understand it. Men and women in society were made to marry each other as soon as possible, settle down, have kids, and get a job. Many of the women in the area had known their husbands six months or less before their engagements. As soon as their screaming symbols of their union came out nine months later they were trapped to a miserable, mundane life of child-rearing, income returns, taxes, office drama, housewives- you name it, it happened.

After Erwin dropped his son to Trost Elementary, filled with snot-nosed brats raised in the privileged and toxic environments of soccer-moms and suburbs, he would see his neighbors, a lovely couple. Erwin did not work until ten that morning and would not come home until 7 that night, so he would observe the routines of his neighbors to kill time.

At around eight-thirty, a dapper Asian man would stroll out of the house and in to his new Toyota, conveniently purchased after moving in and seeing the beat-up Corolla owned by Erwin. A strawberry-blonde woman who would kiss her husband's cheek and send him on his way. There was no relief in her eyes, no happiness at seeing her husband's car leave the street block. Only sadness and a sense of loneliness arose from his beautiful wife. The wife would send her son to school on foot along with their daughter.

'It's safer to travel in groups.' He overheard one day.

Erwin couldn't find anything wrong with the neighbors. That was his reason for hating them. If they were so perfect, there's got to be something wrong!

Erwin would sit out on his deck and wonder, "What's wrong with the Ackerman family?"

———————  
Erwin sat down on the chair in his office. The skyscraper he worked in housed his job on the third floor, the third to highest floor in his building.

It was a good job, Erwin wasn't going to lie. He got it immediately after college due to his above average knowledge in stocks and investment. That was the reason his boss, a professional asshole, said his employment was based off of. Oh well, at least it paid the bills.

"Smith!" Erwin looked up at the intrusion. It was his dumb boss. Probably giving him more paperwork to fill. The mature looking bowlcut and dumbass whiskers looked with faux excitement at the blond as a large stack of papers was thrown on the desk. "I need these done today. I don't care if you stay here overtime, just get it done!"

Looking at the papers piled on top of each other, probably rivaling the building he worked in, Erwin realized why the suicide rate was so high for men of his profession.

Erwin typed and wrote away, hoping to finish the shitty memo or whatever to appease his boss. After about a quarter of the pile was gone, he decided to get a soda from the vending machine. He went to the break room and put in three quarters and the beverage came out. Erwin sat down and enjoyed the sweet carbonated water.  
———————  
Luckily, Erwin managed to finish the memo on time and handed it in to his boss. He clocked out and caught the next bus home. Erwin hated public transport with a passion, but it was cheaper than taking his car.

To his surprise, the neighboring wife he never got a chance to look at was on the next bus home. He took a close look at her face.

Erwin realized who she was now. It made perfect sense, he felt dumb for not noticing sooner. He took a seat next to her.

Erwin scanned her one last time, "Oh, hey, Petra."

The honey-eyed woman gave him a smug expression. "So, you finally noticed? Mr. Almost Valedictorian, I'm disappointed..." she snarked.

"Ever the snarker, Ms. Ral."

Petra's face turned to an expression he was all too familiar with. That dumb face she made when she wanted to correct him. "Actually, it's Mrs. Ackerman now." She even had the same tone of voice.

"I knew you were gonna do that. I called it in my mind."

"Whatever..." Petra shrugged him aside.

The rest of the bus ride consisted of idle chit-chat surrounding their lives. Erwin told Petra about how proud he was of his little boy, how good he was at the early forms of geometry and was even at the point where he could read college level texts proficiently.

Petra spoke about her dumb brother, Oluo and how be broke his knee and ACL playing football and all that other stuff. She was in the city to visit him in the hospital.

Before they both knew it, they were on the sidewalk finishing up their conversation. After exchanging their goodbyes and other pleasantries, Erwin went back in his house. His son, Armin, was in bed and fast asleep. Erwin decided he would make like his son and do the same.  
——————  
It was morning now. A Saturday morning at that. Erwin woke up decided to keep the small bits of stubble on his face. He took the grey Hollister t-shirt and black short pants out of the hamper and made breakfast for him and his son.

"So, champ. What are we doing today?" Erwin asked in a cheerful manner.

"Well, the lawn is kind of big. Let's mow it!" Armin said with immense enthusiasm.

"Alrighty then." said Erwin. He walked through his house, he hadn't cleaned it in a hot minute but it wasn't to the extent where he had absolutely had to clean it.

Erwin walked out of his front door and opened his garage. The garage was a mess, tools and machinery scattered the area. Erwin took out his trusty grass eating machine and yanked it on. Armin took out obstructions in the mower's way. By the time they were done, Erwin was sweating from every pore in his body and out of breath. He could still feel his hands vibrate as an after effect from prolonged usage of the machine.

Erwin noticed Petra coming over with two cold bottles of water for the two males. Erwin thanked Petra, and proceeded to drink the living hell out of his water. While the young boy was going to town on his, Erwin gave him a gentle tap to remind him to say thank you.

Armin finished his bottle of water, and completely contrary to his previous going ham on the water bottle, he meekly let out a "thank you" and went back inside.

Petra laughed. "Kind of like you at that age, huh?"

"I should see your kids. Is Miss Ice-Cream Hands a genetic trait or what?"

"I'll have you know, it's actually maple syrup hands now."

Erwin let out a sarcastically dismissing "Mm hm."


End file.
